It might be a slow process to admit to ourselves that some friendships, work colleagues, family or romantic partners may have stopped serving us, or maybe never did, and yet we have moulded ourselves to serve their needs. To fit perfectly into their agenda. But like eating healthy food, exercising regularly, or doing regular meditation, sometimes we need to purge people in our life by performing a social media detox — what I like to call, a social colonic.
And believe me, the benefits of social media detox efforts are life changing. Symbolically, a social media detox is not dissimilar to a colon cleanse; also known as ‘colonic irrigation’ – in that, it can be uncomfortable, super confronting but ultimately necessary for the sake of our mental health and physical wellbeing. Flushing out those people in your life that leave you feeling like crap is worth the discomfort when weighed against the social media detox benefits.
Perform a social media detox to find your real tribe
If you know that you need to find a new tribe you may feel like you are carrying out an act of betrayal for flying, or backing away from, people that have long been part of your life’s journey. And yet, by staying put, by persuading people to be on your team, you are waiting for their approval. As we stand waiting, we engage in emotional servitude to the old tribe. We must recognise those who fully support our quest for our purpose, and a life of meaning, and those who do not.
With a tribe that is not authentically our own, you may encounter people who want us to be a mirror for them. When they look at you they want to see themselves. So, what do you do? You will contort, twist and shrink yourself to make this possible. Like a difficult yoga position, you can’t hold this pose for too long. You will take deep and long breaths, then suddenly, you will say ‘Enough! Time to social media detox!
Are you the locust or the goose?
It is known that locusts will move in a swarm and geese will move in a V-shape formation when they migrate to find new food sources. To an outsider, it looks as if the locusts and geese are moving as a collective, as a tribe, with a common purpose and vision. Don’t families sometimes look like that in life, moving together harmoniously, supporting each other? Each validating their collective beliefs and values?
What the external world sees isn’t always the truth. Both the geese and locusts are surviving, but are they thriving?
It is often not the truth that each member of the swarm or flock is truly being supported. Sometimes the collective beliefs of the tribe we are moving with do not align with our individual beliefs. Therefore, it can leave a false impression that you belong to this tribe; for you may not truly belong at all. And if you try to belong this makes finding, following and creating your authentic life incredibly difficult, if not impossible.
Researchers have shown that mass migration of locusts, which forms a swarm, is strongly influenced by the fear of being bitten from behind.
Locust swarms are formed because they are desperate to stay a step ahead of their cannibalistic fellow locusts. The individual locust that fails to continue moving forward is likely to be attacked and risks becoming a source of protein for others in the swarm. Yes, you fear that your fellow locust will eat you alive if you do not continue to move forward and follow the rules!
Do you feel like a locust within your current family, social group or work environment?
You may be moving forward in life, but are you motivated by a fear of belonging to a swarm that does not serve you? Are you trying to survive? Are you simply trying to fit in? Geese, on the other hand, fly in a V-shape formation, which enhances communication and coordination. Because of this, these birds beat their wings less often and conserve energy on a long and difficult journey.
Also, to keep things fair, geese take turns being in the front, with each bird moving to the back when they get tired. Like the geese, when you flock with your soul tribe, they will support you when the winds change direction in your life. They will fly in a V formation with you. They allow you to rest and recuperate when you need to.
The journey to where you are going is much easier. And you provide the same support to them – you make their journey easier as well. By being in a flock with your soul tribe the individual purpose of each member is served.
Sometimes our family of origin is not our soul tribe
When we are honest about who is in our current tribe we begin to acknowledge who we need around us to help create our authentic life and what changes we need to make. Even a lone wolf wants to belong. And sometimes our quest to belong can be born from alienation.
You may have been cast adrift from your own family or taken voluntary exile, the adult version of time out. It is hard to admit, but one of the strongest needs for every human being is for love and community. If this sense of belonging is absent, until we are ready to admit this to ourselves, isolation will be mostly what we know.
Our longings for connection will only continue to grow and we must move into action to seek the group or individuals seeking us. This is where the connections, answer and healings will be found. Perhaps we need to open our hearts to consider what possibilities can be experienced with a group of people who see us differently. Finding a new soul tribe, allows us to see ourselves differently.
To step forward and make change, we must ask ourselves what parts of our life do we need more support in?
When you do find your new soul connections and tribe you will be freed from the sense of isolation and feeling of being misunderstood in your old world. You will be connected by your common longing to share yourself authentically. Initially, this is the glue that is needed. The world is full of sisters, brothers, fathers and mothers who want to create a new soul tribe around you and with you. You must become the seeker of them.
The most important thing about soul tribes is that shame will be shared.
It is essential to our spiritual growth and finding our true peace and purpose, that we need to find a tribe to share our deepest darkest secrets to help us move through them. Your soul tribe of emotional support is critical on your Courageous Path because it is through them that each person will mirror back parallel life stories, tragedies and triumphs.
You may be at different stages of the healing process but you will likely cause the surge in the healing of others, and, in turn, you will receive the healing you need from hearing their stories.
It is only when we heal and feel heard, that we are gifted the energy, confidence and clarity to fly in the direction that our soul is longing to go.
