Seems unfortunate that this is a dilemma only a woman has to deal with. It seems like men get more understanding when it comes to these issue as, historically, they have been the food-bringers. Men, being often absent for work is excused by the fact that they are doing it for the well-being of their entire family. Knowing this, it sounds unfair that the society often sees dedicated business women as selfish and vain doing it only to ‘break the chains’ and boost their ego. Luckily, my experience has taught me that general opinions do not affect my life and cannot help me improve it, here is what I think can.
Choose wisely
A wedlock is a seal on partnership. Be very selective when making this choice. Think carefully and create criteria that you would not be willing to give up. Learn as much as you can about your partner before you say ‘yes’ and do not be afraid to raise issues and discuss things you find important. It is imperative for both of you to know how you perceive the roles of both partners in the relationship in order to avoid issues or surprises at a later date.
Talk, talk, talk
A key to every healthy relationship in life is communication. Use every opportunity to talk to your partner. This will help you stay close. Share the details of your day, things you found intriguing and emotions you felt. Sometimes it is not enough to simply report the facts of what you did and who you saw but you need to color it with your emotions so your partner can recognize the person behind the words. This is particularly important if you spend a lot of time at work and most of what happens to you in a day is work-related. Don’t bore them with every little detail of your work, but only stuff you found important personally. I disagree when people say you should not talk about work when at home, as long as you do not do it all the time. It is a big part of your life and there is no need to suppress the business women in you, just something in lines of: ‘Oh, imagine what happened at work today..”, or: ‘I felt so happy today as I’ve finally received a yes to an offer I have made two months ago’. Experts in family law report cases of partners giving each other a second chance after a hearing where they, for the first time in a while, actually talked and understood what the other person was saying.
Sync your expectations
Since you are already talking, try to come to a consent regarding your daily life and living conditions. Let’s imagine that both of you work long hours, you need to know what happens after. Make it imperative to spend time together. You can include other people in this but try to be alone at least once a week. Sure, most of your time should be spent in a good quality way but after a long day at work you can simply eat your dinner together in front of the TV and fall asleep together. The living conditions I have mentioned above literally refer to the state of your house. You can both agree that you can put up with a certain level of mess in your home. Traditionally, a wife would have to clean and make dinner after she comes back from work which is a bit unfair. You can compromise by agreeing to each put away your things and do cleaning on weekends. This brings me to my next point…
Share housework
Share housework, this is as simple as it sounds, no buts and do not try to protect him! Especially if you live in an apartment and there are no that many ‘manly’ chores. Whichever way you decide to do it is fine, but it needs to be done. If you have one person in charge of everything it leads to frustration. Also, make sure to balance it out with the amount of work done at the office. If your husband is unemployed or works less than you do, it is natural for them to cover more chores at home. We make it a rule that whoever is home first makes the food and if they do not feel like it, we eat out or get takeaway. You can make your life significantly easier by hiring a lady to do your cleaning and ironing, and get a gardener.
Help your husband cope with your success
Having a shared budget, I find, helps retain the feeling of equality between partners. If everything goes on one ‘pile’ or into one account, you avoid creating a feeling of one partner constantly being in debt. Do not make your partner feel bad because they are not as successful as you are. These things change quickly especially nowadays, today you have a job and he doesn’t but who knows what can happen to you tomorrow. Adjust to the changing roles in your partnership. Also, do not let your success change you, no matter how successful, you are still the same person you were when you chose him. Do not let yourself underestimate him and see him through his professional life. When you are together, he is not a worker and you are not his boss, he is your husband and you should always feel and act as such.
Make it a rule to tell your partner every day you love him and why they make you happy. Try to laugh off any tension that may occur (I admit, my partner is an expert for this one), remember to send a cute text or a photo when you need stress relief and what you get in return will put a smile on your face and a reminder that someone’s really got your back.
