As we all know, communication is more than just the words we say or write. Communication is also in the things we don’t say; it’s in the way we move, in our facial expressions and in our body language. That’s right. Even if we’re not aware of it, we’re still sending out non-verbal messages to others, which can be interpreted in different ways.
If you work closely with people and have a particular way of talking to them, sitting/standing near them or just generally ‘being’ around them, your body language could be interpreted in ways you don’t intend: as an emotional expression, a way of moving a conversation along or even that you are flirting.
But why is this so? Why is it that, even if we just stand near someone, our behaviour around them could mistakenly be interpreted as ‘flirtatious’ and not as what it might be intended to be?
Carol Kinsey Goman elaborates on body language, relating it to ‘the look of business’ and ‘the social gaze’: If you create an imaginary triangle, the base of which are the eyes and the apex is mid-forehead, you will have mapped out the ‘look of business’. When you keep your gaze in that area, you nonverbally signal a no-nonsense, business-like approach.
When you invert the triangle and move your focus to the area from the eyes to the mouth, you transform your gaze into one more appropriate for social encounters. And a social gaze can be misinterpreted as flirtatious—even in a business setting.
On Forbes.com, however, Nick Morgan writes that what the experts say about body language is not necessarily true; because we are naturally more in tune with other people’s body language than the experts believe.
The truly good news is, for people you know, you are already more expert than the experts at reading this body language intent…You know already, unless you’re completely clueless, when your spouse is ticked off, or your child is bored, or your boss wants something done, now! With people we know, we’ve already amassed many hours of study, and we know the signs.
But whether we’re relying on experts or our instincts, the way body language is read, is crucial in the workplace and is crucial to how you’re perceived. It can also express more than an emotional or romantic response and as Morgan mentioned, body language is something we are naturally in tune with.
When in the workplace, you’ll always work closely with others in some way, so how you behave is important and could affect you and your business.
Goman also writes about the importance of being aware of non-verbal cues from others, noting that, “Women who have a firm handshake make a more favorable impression and are more likely to be judged as confident and assertive” and that “…women (when sitting) adopt an open-arm posture in the presence of someone they like”. But as Morgan says, “…gestures are ambiguous. They can mean many things. If I cross my arms, I may be signaling my defensiveness, but I may also be cold, or simply tired…or just getting comfortable”.
How to “read” someone’s body language: the clues
It’s normal for you to be wondering how one person interprets another through body language. Know that you must pay attention to the unconscious signals emitted by your interlocutor, without him knowing that he is being analyzed. The three fundamental points of body language are:
Speech and behavior
To find out if a person feels emotionally attuned to you, notice if they use the same words as you; if you speak in a tone and at a speed similar to what you use to speak; if it is sitting in the same position as you. Basically, if the conversation goes at a pace that makes it feel like a “follow the master” game, the emotional connection between you is properly established.
Agitation and activity levels
if the person is not moving, he has little interest in what you have to say, now if he is moving, it indicates that he is excited. Several surveys have confirmed that when a woman swings her feet while on a romantic date, she probably likes the man with her.
Emphasis and timing
The term “ timing ” means that the person is talking or doing the right thing at the right time. If, in addition to having the timing for relevant comments, the person emphasizes certain points, it means that they are focused and controlled – they are not very influenceable. On the other hand, those who do not show security in what they say, due to lack of timing and emphasis, are easily manipulated.
Still… on the quest for accuracy in body language, you need to pay close attention to the interlocutor. In this sense, there are biases that you should analyze, to improve your perception capacity:
- Think about the context: Would people in this situation act the same way the person you are talking to is acting?
- Look for joint, not isolated actions: don’t just focus on one detail or gesture. Always look at the whole;
- Compare: How does this person normally act?
- Know that you can be deceived by your own prejudice. To understand the other person’s body language, you need to understand yourself: see if you are not jumping to conclusions because you like or dislike the person.
The way the human body communicates is often the subject of research, and scientists have already reached some rather curious specific conclusions about body language:
- Crossed legs are a bad sign during negotiations. It sounds bizarre, but business meetings end better when no one has their legs crossed. Just to give you an idea, analysis of 2,000 meetings showed that none of them ended well when at least one person was cross-legged;
- Want to know if someone is lying or betraying your trust? Notice if, during a conversation, the person has these four attitudes: touch your hand, touch your face, cross your arms and maintain a posture leaning to some side, not upright. These isolated signs do not represent much, but when presented together, they are likely to indicate lying and/or betrayal;
- On the other hand, research has already shown that trustworthy people are more emotionally expressive. Trust especially in someone who is nice to everyone, not just a specific group;
- With respect to hands: gestures made with the palms down indicate power; the opposite, submission;
- Men and women use different body languages in seduction: women start by smiling, raising their eyebrows, lowering their eyelids quickly, and then looking away. Afterwards, almost without exception, they put their hands close to their mouths and smile, lick their lips or puff out their chests while staring at the desired person;
- Men, in turn, puff up their chests, protrude their chins, arch their backs, make gestures with their hands and arms, and make movements that can demonstrate confidence and draw attention to their power;
The fact is that if you want to play the body language expert, you need to avoid falling into some commonplace misconceptions, after all crossed arms don’t always mean a lack of interest. Below, check out some common mistakes made by people trying to assess how others communicate through body language:
- The context cannot be ignored: the idea that someone with folded arms is not interested, for example, if they are in a freezing environment or if the chair they are sitting in has no armrest;
- Take a look at the whole picture: some people become obsessed with the idea of body reading and end up focusing on just one point of analysis, when, in fact, the ideal would be to look at the whole: if the person is sweating, how is their breathing, if she touches her face and so on;
- Note pattern behaviors: if a person is always bouncy, you don’t need to analyze it. Now if the person is always bouncy and suddenly changes their behavior, then you need to pay attention;
- Pay attention to these details: just know that if you already like or dislike a person, it will affect your judgment of them. If the person compliments you, if they look like you, or if you find them attractive, maybe your judgments about them are favorable, even if you don’t realize it – things from the human unconscious.
Goman’s tips for body language in the workplace:
- Take the time to cultivate your “professional” handshake. Keep your body squared off to the other person—facing him or her fully.
- Make sure you have palm-to-palm contact and that the web of your hand touches the web of the other person’s. And, most of all, remember to shake hands firmly.
- One way that status is demonstrated nonverbally in a business meeting is by physically taking up room. Lower-status, less-confident men (and most women) tend to pull in and keep all of their materials in one neat pile, while high status males take up a lot of room.
- More predictably than their male counterparts, women (when sitting) adopt an open-arm posture in the presence of someone they like. Women also tend to fold their arms across their chest when they feel indifferent to or dislike the other person.
- Clothes make a strong visual statement about how a woman sees herself; it is here where females really have an edge in dressing for success.
Conclusion
However we read body language, it is not an exact science. So, in every way, we have to be aware of how we conduct ourselves socially and in the workplace and what we might be communicating to others.
