This guide outlines the appalling impacts that abusive marriages have on women, and how to address them.
Since the coronavirus pandemic in March of 2020, the rate of domestic violence has reportedly increased by 8% in the United States. As a pattern of behavior, domestic violence is used to gain power and control over a partner. It refers to physical, emotional, and financial abuse, among other behaviors that frighten, intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, blame, or injure someone. For instance, in New York City, the rate of domestic violence rose by 10%, whereas in San Antonio, it climbed to 22%.
Abusive marriages: overview
The COVID-19 pandemic resulted in a considerable increase in abusive marriages because social isolation exacerbates personal vulnerabilities while limiting accessible and familiar support options. The social isolation spouses had to live in is not the culprit behind abusive behavior – it was just the catalyst that increased the frequency and possibly even the gravity of abusive behavior in one of the partners.
The Prevalence of Physical and Emotional Abuse in the U.S.
Currently, nearly 20 individuals per minute experience physical abuse by their intimate partner in the United States. To put it differently, roughly 10 million women and men are physically abused every year. However, emotional abuse is the most common type of intimate partner violence in abusive marriages, as 48.4% of women and 48.8% of men experience it.
A warning sign of emotional abuse in abusive marriages is gaslighting, which refers to convincing a partner that they are crazy or making the partner second guess reality. Another telltale sign of emotional abuse is humiliation, often done in public to make the partner feel ashamed, particularly when making a mistake.
Recognizing these signs and addressing them promptly is crucial in protecting yourself from falling prey to dark psychology tricks that manipulative individuals might employ in such relationships. By staying informed and seeking support when needed, you can regain control and maintain your emotional well-being.
Lastly, isolation and control are other tools used by emotional abusers in abusive marriages – they want to know precisely where their partner is at any given time. They may not allow their partner to leave the house, go to certain places, or see certain people.
Financial Abuse, a Prevailing Form of Intimate Partner Violence
It may sound surprising, but a whopping 99% of domestic violence cases also involve financial abuse. Financial abuse in abusive marriages entails controlling the partner’s ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. The victims of financial abusers may also be prevented from working, and they may have their own money restricted or stolen by the abusive partner. Partners who are financially abused rarely have complete access to money, and when they have money, they usually have to account for every penny spent.
For instance, in abusive marriages, the man is the ‘breadwinner’ and uses this as a reason to forbid his wife to get a job and have her career while also forcing her to financially depend on him. He may also reduce her freedom to plan or budget, exclude her from important financial decisions, and establish unrealistic limits or allowances.
On the flip side, the husband who has a low income or no income (because he refuses to get a job) may abuse his wife financially by taking money or using her credit cards without permission. He expects only her to pay for everything and insists she shares her income but refuses to share his.
Partners in High-Net-Worth Marriages Facing Domestic Abuse During the Pandemic
High-net-worth couples have at least $1 million in liquid financial assets. The spouse who is financially abusing the other in abusive marriages may exploit their resources by:
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trying to control their use of or access to the money they have earned or saved
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ruining their credit history by running up limits and not paying bills
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requiring to be bailed out of difficult financial situations.
Nevertheless, financial abuse may also come in the form of controlling shared assets and resources and interfering with the job of the abused spouse. These tactics and those specific to other forms of domestic abuse may eventually lead to the abused spouse demanding a divorce.
Although they know divorce is the only way to regain their freedom, the abused spouse in abusive marriages may initially hesitate to make this decision. Getting a divorce can lower a person’s wealth by 77%. Like everybody else, most high-net-worth partners spent time in isolation together during the pandemic, which increased the tension in their relationship and the abuse.
Furthermore, high-net-worth spouses most likely faced other stressors during the lockdown besides those health-related, such as economic stress, striving to keep their businesses going, and not losing too many liquid and non-liquid assets trying to maintain their lifestyle. This most likely led to a significant increase in the intensity and frequency of the abuse. Nonetheless, when the abused spouse finally decides to divorce to escape abusive marriages, certain aspects need to be considered.
How Abused High-Net-Worth Spouses Can Get a Divorce
Divorcing an abusive spouse can bring unique concerns and considerations. There are two forms of divorce in the U.S.: fault-based and no-fault. Florida is one of the states that deem all divorces as no-fault. In this scenario, the filing spouse must request a divorce based on one of the state’s no-fault legal grounds, which could be irretrievable breakdown, separation, or incompatibility.
The fact that your spouse abused you will not matter in court if you intend to get a divorce in a no-fault state. Therefore, you will likely tell judges that your marriage was “irretrievably broken” and suffered from “irreconcilable differences.” Nevertheless, without the court knowing that abuse was involved, the case will be treated like any other divorce. For this reason, extra steps have to be taken in abusive marriages to protect yourself and your children, should you have any.
One of the essential steps is getting a protection order. If your partner is violent or has been in the past, trying to work out your marriage can prove futile, and a protection order can be a viable option. The protection order will entail the following:
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prohibit your abusive spouse from contacting you
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forbid them from entering your home, even if it is shared
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prohibit your abusive partner from contacting or visiting your children
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forbid them from making large purchases or financial moves
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make it mandatory for your abusive spouse to pay alimony or child support
If you are worried about who will get custody of your children, there is no cause for concern – in Florida, for example, there is a rebuttable presumption against custody to the batterer. It states that it is not in the child’s best interests for a parent guilty of domestic violence to have custody. Suppose a parent is convicted of a third-degree felony or greater domestic violence offense. In that case, there will usually be a rebuttable presumption that joint custody is also not in the child’s best interest.
As for property division, property settlement in Florida high-net worth divorces is based on equitable distribution. This does not refer to “equal distribution” but rather what is considered fair. Therefore, upon determining what is reasonable, the court will consider factors such as a history of abuse. Consequently, a more significant portion of the property will likely be granted to a spouse who suffered abuse, particularly if it hindered their professional and personal development.
About the Author
Sean M. Cleary is the owner and founder of The Law Offices of Sean M. Cleary. The law firm, located in Miami, Florida, assists high-net-worth couples when they decide to divorce and divide their assets. Sean M. Cleary has significant experience in this complex area of practice, easing the divorce process for his clients.
