The term bullying has become more widespread over the years and for good reason. But there seems to be a lack of understanding about the difference between a boss being a pain in the arse, and actual toxic bullying in the business environment — and how you should respond. Often bullying is unprovoked and can come as a shock to a woman in business or in the workplace.
First, why does bullying occur? There are many reasons, but the most common is power — either a power imbalance or a threat to power. The bully is either on a power trip, or in a position where they feel they will lose their current status or believe you have the power to take their power from them.
If you are unsure about whether this is happening or has happened to you, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Is this person making threats, perhaps that if you don’t do what they ask they will “tell someone something about you” — whether it is true or not?
2. Do they ignore your requests and then when pressure from above hits them, turn around and accuse or blame you instead?
3. Do they gossip about you, undermine you or spread rumours trying to discredit your character with your contacts?
4. Do they abuse you verbally, whether in public or in private so no-one knows?
5. Are they stalking you online or calling you, trying to pressure you to do what they want?
If the answer is yes to one or more of the above then, yes ladies … he’s trying to bully you.
Now the most important point here is how to deal with it:
1. First things first is to never compromise your moral core or character in how you respond.
2. Try and understand that this person is themselves living a life of constant anxiety and chaos, and bullying is the only way they know how to get what they want…you can show them the buck stops with you and there IS a better way.
3. Avoid reacting, as they often want you to feel fearful of their threats or break down and cry. If you need to, then do it privately but remain firm and with a poker face in public.
4. Document everything. You may not need to use it, but it’s best to keep track of their behaviour just in case you need to take it further. keep notes in a diary, of date, time, and details of what was said or done.
5. Build alliances. Around them and above them. People can see who they are and will see how you respond. Stay classy and build alliances with all the right people and don’t say a bad word about the bully to anyone. Rise above it.
6. Forgive. And often. Forgiving someone doesn’t justify their actions or release them from reaping what they are owing. It frees you from being bound by their actions and allows you to hold your head high and continue to work towards your goals
