Women are well known to be social creatures, often with nurturing natures. And we often want that nurturing to be returned. Coupled with this, we are overwhelmingly seen associating in groups; and this constantly wanting to be liked our fellow peers in those groups.
This means a woman can sometimes align her identity directly or indirectly with how many friends she has or how many people like her.
This is dangerous in business — and in a personal sense too — but that is another story.
Let me delve a little more into this need to be liked. Women assume that if someone likes them, they have a chance to do business with them. That is okay as it stands, and often correct.
But this requirement or desire to be liked can result in a woman changing who she is in order to please the other person.
For example, people call women bossy, intense, dominating … all (and most often passive aggressive) insults most often given to women who are confident, hard working and talented. This would freak out someone who associates being liked with being valued, so women may choose to ‘tone it down’ or appear to be less confident if it means being accepted in a circle of people or business setting. Essentially, a woman will present a less accomplished version of herself, and will hold back on revealing her opinions and her achievements…allowing her need to be liked to force her into showing a false character.
In the business sphere, this poses quite the problem. That is, relationships in business should never be based on your desire to be liked. By anyone. Ever. Your goal in business is to be RESPECTED.
Whether you are liked, loved or hated. You can still be respected. This is the most powerful position to be in. But how does one let go of the need to be liked & focus on being respected? Easy.
- Know yourself, love yourself and understand your brand and core values. When you do this, your self-knowledge becomes a strength on which you can build growth.
- Stop giving a damn about what people think of you. Live your life – and your business – by what YOU think of you.
- Stand your ground regardless of whether every single person around you wants you to change your views or mind. This doesn’t mean ignore advice, but if you want to take a stand, stick to it.
- Don’t tell people what you are going to do. Just do it. THEN tell everyone what you’ve done. There’s no point in telegraphing your plans to the world, in any case.
- Keep your word. Let your no be no, and your yes be yes. If you need time to make up your mind, then take it.
- Be careful about the company you keep. People will respect you purely for who you associate with and on the flip side not respect you based on poor company.
- Treat others with compassion, be firm with your convictions and stay focused.
If you are ever in a position where you feel that you may not be liked, don’t panic. It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you’re not.
