Boss Lady

5 ways to rebuild your life


Life can often throw you (and your business or career) into a deep dark place, and it is hard to move on. You feel depressed, perhaps also unworthy, demotivated, and lonely. But it is not impossible to reboot yourself, once you realize the power of life.

Life is a mix of bad and good experiences. If you haven’t had bad experiences you are never able to acknowledge about how precious being alive is — even if  it doesn’t feel like it to you right at that moment.

I had the mind-numbingly terrible experience of being attacked with a bucket full of acid all over my face and body.  Being a woman, it was almost impossible to see myself in the mirror and accept the reality. My face was reminding me through its damage about what happened to me. I couldn’t recognize myself. It was all gone. Well … physically, for sure.

Everyone seemed to be co-operating with me by not talking or asking about it. But I knew; my mind was continuously yelling it to me… Telling me what happened, and rewinding all the steps I took that day before I was attacked.

I didn’t cry for a long time because of being under trauma for a year. I didn’t know, what exactly happened and how far the damage had gone. My brain started working and talking to me like a person inside me; a young girl who still normal and pretty, happy and confident.

I started visualizing =- how I wanted to be. There was a confused state of mind in normal settings I know. But I never let my brain works against me. I decided what my brain should imagine and think from then onwards. And that was the beginning of my journey. Here are the 5 ways I have been using to rebuild my life and how you can do that too.

Start accepting your present and make it bigger than your past

Acceptance is the key to move on in life without having any doubt and fear. It took me 10 years to find who I truly am.  I progressed a long way into my present because I accepted my past and became ready to redefine myself. I started looking into solutions instead of complaining.

I knew the physical damage was irreversible, but the mental damage is not fixed as it seems.  I know, it’s not just me, many of us have gone through huge obstacles. We often feel anger, depression and low in our life.  We compare ourselves to others and “Why” or “Why me”. But you will not get the answers. So stop looking for them. Start loving yourself. You owe yourself another chance. Start to appreciate yourself.  You don’t need someone to tell you “that you’re amazing or strong”… So don’t look for an affirmation or approval from others. 

Create your own society of positive souls.

Having positive people, who share the same compassion in life is very important. No matter that everyone’s passion may be different from yours… the zest of life is crucial in your new life. You may feel different from others, or not able to match your thought process with others. You have to accept that, endure yourself, endure being different from others because that is your strength now.

You’re not your past, you are how you managed to pass it through to your present. That makes you unique in every possible way. You are not wrong, and you did not do wrong to deserve the bad things. Do not blame yourself for anything. Things happen and you have got to deal with them.

You may feel vulnerable sometimes, you may feel sentimental. Either way, you are dealing with the situation and moving forward step by step. Watch positive movies, read books, watch good TV, or anything which keeps your mind busy.

Have positive friends around you, who don’t make you feel inadequate. And if someone still does, remove that person from your life immediately.

Remember your strengths (weakness doesn’t exist)

We are the definition of our doings. We survived, we have to cherish our lives. After having a setback in life, it is time for you to evaluate your strengths. You know how? The whole idea of being pulled down is already checked off in your life list.

Feel you are a superhero who has scars from battle. Feel that you are impervious to all the bad things. And now nothing can make your weak. You are a survivor, thriver and doer. That how you need to start thinking. Imagining the best possible outcome of your next steps rather than failures.

You have to focus on your goals again. Goals which existed before, needed to clear more than ever now. There is nothing you cannot do. All that fear inside you shouldn’t be bigger than your life.

Find things that work for you

Waking up with laughter works for me. I believe how we start our day is the reflection of our entire day. We need to make sure, we do every possible efforts to keep our spirit high.

I watch “Friends”.. I have been watching for past 13 years now non-stop. Its kind a therapy to me. I can speak all the lines as they did in each and every episode. I feel like I am “Rachel” at some point or I am “Monica” at some point. I live happy and funny because of F.R.I.E.N.D.S … I have learned new things about after started this ritual in my life that I can be sarcastic as “Chandler”.

So my point is, find what works for you. No one is judging or listening you crying over and over again. Aren’t you tired of being depressed or living sorrowful life? If you aren’t still, assigned time to it. Cry as much as you need. Because trust me, it won’t be enough but after certain period of time you will feel wasted time enough.

Reinvent yourself

Being alive and living hell at the same time is cruel enough. And no one should live or experience horror in their lives at any age. I was living an Acid Attack Survivor’s life for over 13 years. I was attacked when I was 18 years old. I was hospitalized close to 50 times for major and minor surgeries to regain some normality of my face. I never lived my 20’s like every other 20’s year old should live. I never enjoyed college, friends, going out, clubbing or matter of fact dating in my life. People used to admire my courage, but they always see me with pity in a corner in their eyes.

As much as I respected their efforts to adjust with me in the same room full of gorgeous girls. I used to feel like a bird whose wings got clipped and she can never fly again. I had to find meaning in my life. I worked hard to be better in my work and continued growth in my fashion career.

But it wasn’t easy. I had many job rejections mainly based on my appearances. People who admired me, still gave me reasons for not being able to hire me. I was jobless for longer periods in spite of my work being good, and my knowledge being great. So I found peace with my heart and accepted the rejection.

But I know that wasn’t the end. I can accept what happened to me. But I refused to accept being victimized again and again by society. After a few years I moved to New York City. The city I loved for two decades before ever being here. I was finally here, and I started raising my voice and start talking to the world as a motivational speaker. I did not want to suffer on account of other’s uneasiness or discomfort. I reinvented myself, I am continuing to redefine my life.

We have been living life on the acceptance by others (society). And the moment you stop caring about society, you will win the first round of your own battle. What you believe you are or you are not. Either way, you are right unless you find a reason.

About Monica Singh'

MoniCa Singh is the Founder & President of the Mahendra Singh Foundation which provides support, scholarships and medical assistance to victims of acid attacks.

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